I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
