it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
