so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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