There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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