YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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