We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
