then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
