Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
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If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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