So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
