saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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