I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
