Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
We had to coat check the pizza.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
