there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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