Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
