my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
