I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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