also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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