One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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