Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
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