I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
