I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
