Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
