i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
