He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
i've created a new STD.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
