is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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