I'm jealous of your bromance
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
