Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
