he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
