seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
