I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
