WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
