so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
