haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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