Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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