Buhtt sex?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
