Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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