apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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