how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
