u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I think my fart just growled at me.
I looked at my own cervix.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
there was a trapeze. enough said
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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