You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I wish you could order shots online.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
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You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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