The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
