are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
