First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
