My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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