Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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