i think my mom watched the whole time
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
