Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
