I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
