I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
