Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
