I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
