and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
