He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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