Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
