Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
