Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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