It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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