I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
