whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
