Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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