when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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