She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Randomize
