wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
