P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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