I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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