oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
