He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
