Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize