I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
false alarm. still invincible.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
