PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
