I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
