i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
