sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
