Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
