I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
