my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
